We All Should Be A Little Bit Gay

Hello My Little Minions,

Today, this piece is a double dedication. First, to the brothers and sisters who prefer the same sex. That's right, Kris The Critic spares no one. Homosexuals get ready...It's your turn to shine. I actually love some of the qualities of most homosexuals. Hell, they always seem to dress nice. They KEEP money. I have never seen a homeless gay guy...and they always seem to speak so well. Hmmm...I think I want to be gay. Shouldn't we all be?...Okay, that's a story for another blog. I digress...Secondly, some of my favorite cartoon characheters are flame throwers. The characters below gave me something to look forward to on afternoons and Saturday mornings. Tell me if you agree.


10) Batman and Robin - "Holy Butt Pirate Batman!"...Is this even a surprise? They wear friggin tights. How many grown ass men wear their daughters balet outfit to work? ...Their names should be Cock Goblin and The Boy Wonder

9) Bugs Bunny - This one is a toss up. Obviously, he is the coolest muthafucka on the list. However, he is quick to cross dress and kiss Elmer Fudd on the lips. I love that gay ass bunny.

8) Snaggle Puss - "Heavens to Murgatroyd". This proper talking feline fooled no one. He finally came out of the closet after the series ended..."Exit, Stage Right"

7) Waylon Smithers (from the Simpsons) - This kiss-ass sucks more cock than Karrine "Superhead" Stephans. However, Mr. Burns has no intention on ever promoting his favorite boy-toy.

6) Ernie and Bert - At first I thought these two just lived together. But, damn...I have never heard of any women EVER being invited over to their purported "bachelor pad". Those damn matching striped shirts also scream "I'm Queer!"...Homo status was confirmed on the multiple episodes where they shared a bed.

5) Velma (from Scooby Doo) - She always tried to cuddle up next to Daphne in the Mystery Machine. She has a Pete Rose haircut, has broad shoulders, and only wears thick turtleneck sweaters...She has never once shagged Shaggy.

4) Spong Bob Squarepants - A soft asexual who lives in a pineapple in an undersea locale called Bikini Bottom. His best friend is a star fish named Patrick and a Squid who loves classical music. I bet they have plenty of fun with all those holes in our favorite sponge buddy.

3) Peppermint Patty - She should be given a lifetime achievement award. Before there was Ellen, there was Peppermint Patty. She played soccer, softball and football...and she could beat up any boy. Hell, I was 27 before I even realized her character was female.

2) He-man - This is one fudge packer you don't want to fuck with. He sports a "bob" hairdo, is overly toned, and clearly uses baby oil. However, it was his spaghetti strapped top and panties that was the dead giveaway

1) The Smurfs - ALL OF THEM...It's a society of men who live and bond together under the direction of the bearded Papa Smurf. Though many a teen fantasized about the only broad being a crazy slut, it became clear that Smurfette was the first animated fag hag. Also, I think they all had some sort of asphyxiation fetish, they weren't always blue.

So, to all of my gay cartoon friends, thank you for making life a little more enjoyable.

Kris The Critic