New Year's Resolution - THIS IS MY YEAR!

Seasons Greetings,

Wow...Has it been a year already? Alas, time waits for no one. So people, how was your year?...Surely, you have done some sort of self-evaluation. Haven't you?...People! How do you expect to achieve, climb or excel when you eschew any sort of tangible measuring techniques. ...Your employer evaluates your work performance, right? Teachers give you grades, correct?...Exactly. What I am saying brothers and sisters is that you must begin to check yourself...REGULARLY. Hmmm, I see we really have our work cut out for us, Don't we? Did you even keep a copy of the gems I doled out last year?...No?...Then go slap yourself. Those were not resolutions for the year. They were resolutions for your life! Go to the Kris The Critic archives and get that information. That's why your year sucked. You blew it. Wait a sec...Slap yourself again.

However, you did MAKE it to another year. Unfortunately, there are those who were here last year at this very same moment, who are not here now? "Can I get an Amen"?...I said, "CAN I GET AN AMEN!" - Do you smell me church? This means that no matter how many times you screwed up, you have been granted something more valuable than gold - time. That makes all of us some really lucky muth@#$@*%! So, all of you Ebeneezers, What are you going to do with this second chance? Will you remain an ingrate and waste more precious time. I know you won't. I hate to sound cliche, but it is time to seize the moment! I want you to repeat the following mantra, "THIS IS MY YEAR"...."THIS IS MY YEAR!"...Now, you can't go achieve greatness without some sort of road map. So, Kris The Critic will now bequeath some resolutions that will make you a better person.

#5) Dump the losers - Some people have a job or mission to hang out with born losers. Well, unless you are a priest, lawyer, or police officer...leave those folks alone. They typically are too dumb or selfish to add any positive value to your existence. You don't have to hurt their feelings - just say something like this..."Hey, this year I'm going to take a well deserved, self-imposed sabbatical from all of the dregs of society". They'll probable think you are going off to join a missionary in another country.

#4 Regain some health - Fat, high blood pressure, and high cholesterol are killing just as many people as cigarettes and crack. Don't just stand there with a Dunkin Donut in your hand - Do something about it! Here's a few wild, out-of-the box ideas to help you out...visit a doctor, eat a salad every now and then (and leave out the cup of ranch dressing), and finally admit that you are not thick, you are indeed a fat ass.

#3 Talk to your kids - This may be one of the most important resolutions you can have. Lil Wayne and Nicki Minaj can not continue to advise our kids on finances, sexuality, and the importance of marijuana and sizzurp. This means after you get home from work - Do the unthinkable! Ask your kids how was their day? Who their friends are? What their future plans are? ...Whatever you do, do something positive everyday. Maybe one day, they will take care of you.

#2 Find a mate - That's right. Finally get a man, a woman or whatever it is you are into. I know I am personally sick of all the damn whining about lack of a mate. Seriously, studies show that those involved in relationships are stressed out less and generally happier people. Stress leads to depression, heart attacks, strokes and a bunch of other bad stuff. Besides, won't it feel good showing up at a few functions with folks saying "So, who is this?" Kris The Critic doesn't care what you have to do to get one (keep it legal, though), JUST DO IT.

#1 Pray - This shouldn't even be a resolution. It should be a done multiple times a day like brushing your teeth. Hell, a lot of folks don't do that...lol. But trust your favorite scribe. It is nourishment for the soul. Greatness is not done alone. Ask a few people who are where you want to be. Praying is as important as drinking water. Don't believe me?...Then you don't need resolutions, you need a miracle.

So, IS THIS YOUR YEAR? Do you have any resolutions to share?

Happy New Year!

Kris the Critic