Ode To Beer

Welcome Back Critics,

No mysterious titles today. This piece is simply dedication to one of the most fascinating gifts this world has to offer - BEER. That's right beer. It is THE most widely consumed beverage after water and tea. Now, why in the hell would someone want to drink tea over beer is beyond me. But, that's a blog for another day. Ahhh, this fermented wonder, brewed from malt and flavored with hops has been as important to mankind as the wheel or the electric lightbulb. Ok, maybe that's a slight stretch. So, I take that back. I'd rather have a beer over a wheel any day of the week. And, I believe I speak for the masses (not just for those who over indulge).

This year, over 35 billion beers will be sold! Wow, I'm getting all warm and fuzzy now...maybe even a partial. Ok, that's going a little far, but it's merely a colorful way of saying I LOVE THIS STUFF! and you should too. Beer has been there for us all during various momentus occasions of our lives. Let's take a look ...

As a teen, I would be willing to wager a nickel that whenever some of you "stumbled into" or "fell victim to" your first piece of action (because it is a matter of perspective) there was a nice cold 40oz somewhere in the vicinity. Hey, I didn't say that was an ideal welcome into adulthood, but surely it was an icebreaker, right? We should all give beer a "big" thank you.

We can't forget high school graduation, can we? As we climbed the podium to celebrate all those years of dedication towards a diploma, it wasn't just your family who helped you enjoy the fruits of your labor. Beer was right there at the after-party assisting with your mumbled, drunken appreciation speech for all of your loved ones.

Ok, raise your hands if Beer was one of your best friends during college! Yup, that's most of us. Talk about partying on a budget. There was no place on the planet where beer could be purchased cheaper than the college campus. It definitely helped with developing my financial acumen...Which is the better value? Two 40 oz's for $2.40 each or One 6-pack for $3.60? Well pupils, in this case, the 6-pack (assuming 12 oz per can) yields an ounce per every 5 cents versus 6 cents per ounce with Two 40 oz's for $2.40 each...You see, beer was also a teacher.

Now, take a look around at those beautiful little people who look just like you. Besides the begging, whining, crying, bad grades, tuition, fighting, and talking back...Aren't they precious? Well, guess who was there right with you at the moment of conception? You guessed it, your partner in crime...beer. Now, don't blame beer if it wasn't your intent to have 3 or 4 kids by now (depending on how many you claim - fellas). Beer was simply assisting you with your goal at the moment. No one told you to drink seven. Now, drink a beer and figure out how you are going to pay for all those damn kids.

I know what you're thinking. Kris The Critic is crazy. He is promoting drinking beer. Well...uh, I AM DAMMIT! Whether it's an import or domestic, a lager or an ale, go get yourself a cold one a.s.a.p. Listen people, the world can be a little hectic at times. I am merely showing you a way to relax and recharge your batteries (in moderation - of course). Besides, isn't this better than promoting Whiskey, Crack, or Cigarettes? Don't want my advice...suit yourself. Go be miserable alone while the rest of us celebrate one of God's greatest gifts, BEER.

Stay Thirsty,

Kris The Critic