I See You Derelicts Have Returned....
I know what you're thinking...Kris The Critic is about to stamp his one-way ticket to hell. Don't worry, I'm not. Besides, during these recessionary times, many of us are only a pink slip away from a brand new cardboard mattress ourselves. Believe me people...I fully understand the plight of misfortune....I really do...and Kris The Critic never jokes about people who don't deserve it...ok, maybe just a smidge (I've always wanted to use that word)...However, I swear on my original, never worn, 1984 red and black Retro Air Jordans that I am a hot minute away from putting a serious hurtin' on one these SIMPLE ASS bums...Yeah I said...BUMS!...Tell me church if you've ever encountered these types...
#1) The Ungrateful Bum - I had the misfortune of a person who actually made me feel some compassion for him. I heard the old tried and true story about how he just wanted to get something to eat...I'm hardcore than I mutha....., but everybody gotta eat. So I offered to buy the brother a value meal with my purchase...This "Negro" had the nerve to ask for the money instead (oh, I am black so I have a poetic license to use all black people terms - positive and negative - and that's final)...so, what did ya boy do? I handed his sneaky ass about 75 cents...
#2) The Alcoholic Bum - Tell me if you've been here before. You are going into an establishment and you hear "Got some spare change"?...This is the type of bum that bugs me the most because he is just as dumb as a box of rocks. He or she...(there I am again being "Mr Not-So-Chauvinist Guy" again...be proud of me dammit!)...should just ask for about 5 bucks to go get blitzed. I'd have more respect for you telling the truth and actually break down from time to time even grant your request...'cause if I was homeless...that lil ass change ain't gon' crap but remind me how broke my ass really is...
#3) The Prostitute - This is what we commonly refer to as a crackhead. These people, especially the women never cease to amaze me. These are the broads who stare your car down as you drive by them, soliciting a sex act. I'd rather slowly cut off my johnson with a rusty knife than let one of these diseased chicks perform any act on me...These people need to become alcoholics because that crack shit makes them fuckin' retarded...And besides, half of these women look like they have been beaten with a bag of hot nickels.
#4) The Squeegee Man - This dude might be the first to actually receive a beatdown. They constantly invade my personal space. This is America, so he can beg all he wants. But, if these people continue to walk up on me while I'm pumping gas, it's on. Besides, How do I know that sorta blue liquid in that bottle is a cleaning solution? How did he get it? For all I know, it's half solution, half urine...Damn, this guy bugs me.
Since it is the holiday season, Kris The Critic is going to pray for these people...but right after the New Year, it's back on....
Kris The Critic
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A bag of hot nickels? Really?
ReplyDeleteOf course, I never thought about that half solution half urine angle. Thanks for that image, it just makes the already creepy squeegee man even MORE creepy.