Do You Really Want To Be Married?

Good Evening My Little Naive Saps,

I'll try to keep this one short and sweet. Now ladies, please do not take any of this personally...BUT, when it comes to matters of the heart, women take the fuckin cake when it comes to "CLUELESSNESS" in contemplating marriage. I mean, you guys do excel when it comes to planning the perfect day. Men, probably the most simple creatures on earth, are even more retarded (no offense to my Special Olympics Homies 'cause I've done some super simple shit in my life) than women. And men genuinely mean well after being bamboozled into dropping down on one knee and forking over our savings on a ring way-y-y-y-y over our budget...not to mention agreeing (at least in principle - and for the moment) to have sex with only your "soulmate" FOREVER...HERE ARE THE TRUTHS TO MARRIAGE...AND THIS IS A "VERY" PARTIAL LIST -
1) All mates will eventually get fat and/or ugly and/or old...most likely all three

2) Over time, you will realize that your soulmate's shit stinks very bad and they fart ALOT, especially while sleeping

3) They don't make that much money - and his credit sucks (and if they do have some loot there is a deficiency - SEE FOOTNOTE A)

4) He has already maximized his potential

5) She will NEVER cook or clean or dress like she did when she was single

6) While they are farting during bedtime, they also snore very loudly

7) They don't really like your mom

8) Your mom doesnt really like them

8) Sex is never like it was with the folks you (he or she) were sleeping with just before you tied the knot ( AND FELLAS, FORGET ABOUT 3-SOMES CAUSE ONLY IDIOTS MARRY FREAKS, RIGHT?

9) For men making LOOT (women keep a divorce and child support lawyer on speed dial)

10) Do you really want to be married?

AND THIS, MY FRIENDS, IS ONLY A PARTIAL LIST!!!!

Now, even though I can be a Grade A Asshole (my wife can attest), I seek to teach.


So know this...Marriage is Spiritual, Financial and Physical...BE ON THE SAME PAGE PEOPLE...Marry a friend...Cause at some point...WE ALL GET UGLY...IF YOU CAN SPEND A WEEK WITH A PERSON WITH NO SEX, WATCHING T.V., TALKING, LAUGHING...AND LOOKING FORWARD TO GROWING OLD WITH THIS LOSER...AND TRULY CHERISH THAT TIME, YOU GUYS MIGHT DEFY THE ODDS AND MAKE IT...SO, GOOD LUCK MY LOVE SICK PUPPIES...I want to know...IF YOU STILL WANT TO BE MARRIED?...THOUGHTS???


Kris The Critic
Married and Lovin' It (And...If my wife reads this, please no smart-ass comments publicly babe)

P.S. Footnote A (and I aint hatin cause I'm broke...If a negro has worked hard and achieved more than his share of financial riches, chances are he is A) GAY B) A WIFE BEATER OR C) HAS A VERY SMALL RICHARD