Welcome back critics,
At the risk of being publicly flogged by my fellow male brethren, I hesitate to write this blog. But, my duty is to the reader. I must brave the risk...Besides, I am not one of those soft, candy ass writers you see on TV...I wish somebody would try to whoop the critic over some words...I digress...Back to our topic. After a careful poll of over 125 million men in the U.S. over 21 (that's almost all of the men in the country)...98.2% +/- 1.8% cheat. Sorry Ladies. Thanks for reading...See you next week.
OK, you guys do realize this was a fictitious poll. However, my point is that almost everyone is a cheater. If someone tells you otherwise, you are just being stupid. Now, this would be irresponsible journalism if I did not elaborate on such a claim. So, do not run off and throw some hot grits on your spouse because of Kris The Critic...not just yet anyway. There are actually some wonderful catches out there. How can this be you ask?...because there are different types of cheaters...Let's check them out:
1) The One Time Charlie - This is the guy you want your daughter to marry because the last time he cheated was in 6Th grade...and I am not sure that getting a hard-on checking out little Mallory's already developed boobs even counts...but I am sure if he knew what to do with that erection, he would have (so I am counting it). One Time Charlie usually has a very stable career as well... Unfortunately for you ladies, he is by far the most boring man on the planet. Going out on a date with him is like watching paint dry.
2) Ugly Dudley - This is the guy who had the looks only his momma could love. He was frequently the butt of many jokes as an adolescent. However, Ugly Dudley is now rolling in dough. He is still a good guy at heart...but believe me, he is going to try to get as much ass as humanly possible for a while...because pretty women and money have followed each other since the beginning of time...Hell, wouldn't you? At some point, he will realize who really loves him and will settle down. Unfortunately, the kids will be ugly and this cycle will repeat itself.
3) Regular Joe - Joe is well...just Joe...He represents most of the male species. There isn't on extreme thing about him. Joe is a naturally good guy...but since he is a regular Joe, he's only had regular babes. Unfortunately, there comes a few times in a man's life where he is presented opportunity in the form of a woman way out of his league. Call it chance, dumb friggin luck or whatever...Joe is going to eat that shit up like the last supper. Fortunately, that usually doesn't last long and most Joes eventually get their shit together.
4) Mr Everything - It seems like this guy has always had it all...looks, charm, babes...whatever...Some are good guys...some aren't...Either way, most guys are envious of him. Why? This guy has a collection of panties that would make Victoria Secrets jealous. He spends the early part of his life with plenty of women. A steady girlfriend here or there doesn't stop the party...It just adds excitement. Fortunately, Mr Everything usually grows up to realize he does not have everything and starts acting like a decent human being...(Make sure he isn't guy #5)
5) S.C. Man - Serial Cheating Man is usually (but not always) born with a silver spoon up his conceited ass. This guy does whatever he wants, whenever he wants, with whoever he wants...Even though he is a grade A asshole...this is the guy most women compete for and gossip about...go figure. Most S.C.'s almost always settle down before 30 just to have a bevy of beauties as jump-offs. He lives a charmed life that is all upside. Unfortunately, what goes up, must come down...The S.C.'s downfall usually comes in the form of public scandal, jail, or murder...
So ladies, there you go...plenty of fish in the sea. Good Man hunting...Thoughts?
Kris The Critic
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ReplyDeleteThis is an interesting topic. I do think all men cheat. At least it has never been proven to me otherwise. I think that men are clever in figuring our women. Men study us like a science project; meaning some men know when to strike. We all know we women are emotional creatures so I hope expressing that doesn't offend anyone. Anyways, the bottom line is men can't cheat by themselves.
ReplyDeleteFirst post here. I must say that no man should cheat for one reason and one reason only. THEY SHOULDN'T HAVE TO!
ReplyDeleteBefore I get chastised by every woman who reads this, I must make my point clear.
As a wife, the two things your husband should never be when he leaves you presence is hungry or horny. Satisfy your man. Men love sex and it is the (dare I say) job of the wife to make sure each of these feelings are satisfied.
Be that freak your man desires in the bedroom. How can a man convince another woman who gets at best a fraction of the love, attention and financial support that he gives you and he conveinces her to become the satisfier of his fantasies? Be that for him and I promise he will never stray.
Dress up a bedroom time. Keep it fresh. Your blond, be a brunette sometimes. Wigs aren't expensive. Get that schoolgirl, cheerleader or dominatrix outfit. Hell, get them all! It doesn't take that much effort. Let's be honest, the entire act is less than an hour and if you're doing it the right way it won't even last that long.
Step up your game ladies! Everytime your man leaves the house he should need an IV for lack of fluids. This man can't and won't cheat.
This is coming from a man who has never nor ever will cheat. My wife is everything I've described above and more. Every good man deserves a wife like that. Peace!