Now These Cats Were Cool...

Ladies and Gentlemen,

Let this be a peek into the past for all the young folks out there who, in the opinion of Kris The Critic, haven't a clue what real cool is. As a child of the 70's (no jokes please), I was a television junkie. These fictional characters were far more than entertainment. They were teachers of what's good, what's bad...and what defined cool. Television is now comprised of reality shows, news, HGTV and uhhh...more reality shows. Every character on every show is damn near a carbon copy of each other. Hmmm...Sounds, almost like the music industry... Don't you agree? (but I guess that's another blog) Well, you know that the duty of Kris The Critic is to serve the people. I am about to take a brief trip down memory lane to revisit some of the coolest cats that ever graced the land of televeision. If you have a kid named Pointdexter who's a nerd reject, take a visit to Blockbuster (hurry because they are all about to go out of business) and turn him into a stud. Here is a partial list of who your offspring needs to be introduced to. These are in no particular order....

#10 JAMES "J.J." EVANS, JR. (Good Times) - "Chello-o-o-o-"...Alright, people J.J. makes the list for being so optimistic though he lived in the ghetto....And the Critic cannot tell a lie. I thought the nickname Kid Dyn"o"mite!...was the sh$&

#9 BO AND LUKE DUKE (Dukes of Hazzard) - The good ole boys are the only country duo on the list. I'm not sure if I watched this show because of fine ass cousin Daisy...Super short shorts (Daisy Dukes) were named after her. Their car, The General Lee (though it did sport that confederate flag) was hot.

#8 MAGNUM P.I. (Magnum P.I.) - This might be my all time idol. This guy's job included a ferari and a mansion. The 2 doberman pinschers he owned, Apollo and Zeus also meant that he wasn't to be f#^$*# with.

#7 WILLIS JACKSON (Different Strokes) - Willis sported the tightest afro on television PERIOD. His girlfriend Charlene was played by the young Janet Jackson. If Todd Bridges wasn't such an idiot in real life, he'd be further up on the list.

#6 FREDDIE "BOOM-BOOM" WASHINGTON (Welcome Back Kotter) - "Hi There", Freddie co-led a high school gang called the Sweathogs. His nickname alone says cool. Who wouldn't want chicks calling them "Boom-Boom"? Let me try it..."Hi There, my name is (pause) Boom-Boom" Yeah, that works FOR REAL.

#5 GEORGE JEFFERSON (The Jeffersons) - George was the first brother on TV (hmmm, maybe the only one, to live in a delux apartment in the sky). He also gets Kudos for being the only African American to call a white person "Honky" on a regular basis and wasn't strung up on a tree for it. And he did this in the 70's people.

#4 VINCENT "VINNIE" BARBARINO (Welcome Back Kotter)- The man who introduced us to the saying "Up your nose with a rubber hose" could easily be tops on this list. This Italian American was leader of the Sweathogs (yes, the same Sweathogs with Freddie "Boom-Boom Washington). Welcome Back Kotter is the only show with 2 occupants on the list. Why was this show ever cancelled?

#3 MR. ROARKE (Fantasy Island) - Have we EVER seen Mr Roaorke sport anything other than a super fresh white suit. This cat granted fantasies on a tropical island. If that isn't the coolest job ever, then what is? He even had a little midget assistant (R.I.P. Tattoo)

#2) JACK TRIPPER (Three's Company) - I KNOW I am going to catch some flack on this one. There are some people who think Mr. Tripper was a goofy. HOWEVER, if you live with 2 hot babes you are cool period. Have we seen anyone else in the history of TV achieve this? I didn't think so.

#1 ARTHUR "THE FONZ" FONZARELLI (Happy Days) - "Aaaaaayyyyyy!" Hands down the Fonz was the coolest character EVER created for the small screen or the big screen. He made the white tee-shirt popular. He made everyone want a leather jacket and a motorcycle. And just by the snap of his finger, not one, but TWO chicks would come running. I am sure he is the first character on TV to have a menage a trois.

Ok people, that's a wrap. Again, these people wreaked of cool. If know a young man who can't get any girls, gets his butt kicked alot, or is just a wimp - introduce him to my friends above.

Oh, you're welcome.

Kris The Critic

Ooops...Kris The Critic almost made a major error. LIEUTENANT THEO KOJACK (Kojack) - Kojack should have been right up their with The Fonz. This Lollipop licking Greek-American cop was cooler than the other side of the pillow. He introduced us to the catchphrase "Who Loves Ya, Baby?"

Okay, the list is now complete.